Life or Money?

Man, I almost totally forgot about this thing.. Someone brought up the fact that I haven't wrote in my blog in forever, so I thought I'd entertain this thing a little bit.

A little over 9 months ago I entered into real estate under my momma's brokerage. Shortly after I began this new career I was offered a job to be a manager of a dental lab (which is what I did prior to entering into real estate) in Fort Myers, FL. I declined this job offer because I left my last job in a dental lab for a reason. That reason being I didn't want to be a technician anymore. I received a call 2 weeks ago from the same owner of this dental lab. He re-offered me the job of not just managing the dental lab in fort myers, but managing one in Jacksonville, FL as well. He told me there's a situation going on down there and he lost his head technician and is slowly losing more and more money at those locations. He wants me to rebuild the dental labs. (Some high hopes of me pulling that job off when he's never really seen me work).

When I look at the 2 options I fight with myself with 2 different aspects of my life. Career and success/Friends and happiness. I look at my current real estate position.. With hard work and diligence, I'm sure I can hit 6 figures by the time I hit 30. But the same goes with the "new" career path that has been laid at my feet. But when I look further down in the future, I feel like I would make much much more if I were to take this opportunity. But the number 1 question I have to ask is, "Will I be happy?"

If I leave my 'life' behind for not just financial security, but almost greed of wanting whatever tangible I've ever wanted. The luxurious life of $300,000-500,000+... A little piece of information that might assist on fully understanding this number is, this opportunity has been given to me by my uncle who makes somewhere in that ball park, if not more. One of the first questions I asked him was, would I be able to follow in his direct footsteps. His answer was simply, "yes.".

On the other hand, I've always lived my life by the question of, "What's the point in having money if you can't spend it with your friends?"

I've been in Georgia my entire life, and I have fear of leaving it behind. People tell me friends come and go.. and I respond to them, my friends never go. Like Eric, I've been friends with him since day 1. All of my other best friends have been here since the first day we've chilled. Granted I understand that some may leave and go on with their life, but I don't want to be the one that does..

So many questions on what will happen or what I should do.. I leaned more and more towards going, but now I'm falling back to the Atlanta side of the fence..

Korean drama?

I wonder how and where the writers for korean dramas get their material.. Well, over the last couple of months I think I lived in one. The thing is, I didn't know the details about everything until last night. This is when I started seeing past events, and things that were said come to a clear understanding. It's odd how you can be so confused throughout the whole story, but when you find out the last twist, the whole story unravels and makes complete sense. I almost felt like a complete retard to have not seen what is so plain to see now.. I should have known, but now it's too late.

I think I've been effected by this more than I thought I would have. So many things were going through my head last night that I didn't get to sleep till past 4. If you know me, I'm the type of guy that will pass out before my head hits the pillow. To even stay up for 5 minutes past the time I intend to sleep is out the ordinary.

I'm developing this attitude that I'm trying to run with. In most cases, if I meet a period of trial, I tend to say eff it. I'll have an "I don't really care" snare on my face, and I'll feel exactly how I looked. However, this time around I'm channeling that stress into being a bit more productive. I've studied more in the last 2 days than I did in the month of June. Not only that, but I'm starting to change my view on how I treat people. For example, I wouldn't shy away from referring to girls as "bitches". You don't have to tell me that's messed up, cause I just told you the wrongness of it. Hopefully this sour patch feeling with stick around long enough to make an impact.

Anyways, I'm sure none of this made any sense.. but it's something that's obviously been taking a toll on me..

Worst dream..

Last night I had a dream. It was a dream I woke up extremely angry to. I was in the basement of this big building. The room seemed like a football field long. All the walls were white and it had some tan and wood office desks around. I see my mom standing on the other side of the room. I see this man come up behind her. He wasn't wearing some creepy ski mask or a stalking around his head, but he was wearing all black. I can see this as if I was standing right next to them.. He started exchanging a few words with my mom, when suddenly he hit her across the face. I instantly jolted towards them, jumping over and running inbetween these desks. While I'm running to help my mom, I see him hit her 2 more times. My mom was struggling, but looked so helpless while doing so. After the 3rd punch, He grabs her shirt to pull her to take her somewhere. She falls from the pain and lack of consciousness, so he starts dragging her.

At that time, I catch up to them and swing full force and deck him straight in the side of the head. I hit him a couple more times, and the exhaustion starts taking it's tole. After sprinting what felt like a mile, the adrenaline felt like it wasn't even pumping anymore. He came back after me and knocked me into one of the desks. I positioned myself so my back was towards him. He kept pounding in my back and in my head I was thinking "thank goodness I had 2 older brothers that beat me so bad my back is numb to pain". I grabbed a pen, turned around and stabbed him in the leg with it. This didn't phase him nearly as much as I thought it would. We exchanged a few more punches. I could feel the blood coming down the side of my face. He took his last swing and I ducked, ripped the pen out of his leg and swung around and stabbed him in the back with it. This time he looked like he could feel the pain. I kicked him over and gave him one last stare to make sure he wasn't getting back up. I went over to my mom and she was ok. I could still feel the strong pain of someone hitting my mom.

This is when I woke up. I woke up with so much anger.. All I could think was, why would I not have done more to that guy. I can't imagine letting someone have a full breath of air by the time I'm done with him.

But I'm curious out of all the dreams I've had, why do I remember the worst one? I'd rather be getting shot then someone hitting my mom.

What does the dream mean? If I was still so angry after I did "justice" to the guy. Is my dream showing me that revenge doesn't take the pain away? or how bad would the pain be if I didn't do what I did..

4th of July..

A weekend for relaxation had its additional reasons.. This was one of the best 4th of July weekends I've had in a while..

We went out to Gold Room on friday night. I was hesitant about it because it's never that fun. That's probably what made it so much fun. High hopes with low expectations. I've never even heard of it being that packed. Just walking through the crowd was dancing in a mosh pit. Even though I was getting claustrophobic, I couldn't help but laugh and just dance with randoms while squeezing through.

Saturday night was my middle big bro's birthday BBQ / party. My momma was kind enough to lend us her home for the event. A regret that she probably has now, because someone punched a hole in her bathroom wall. We still have no idea who it was. With her investigation skills, she figures the person was roughly 5'9 to 5'10 and was ugly. The hole was next to the mirror. She thinks they looked at the mirror, got mad, and punched the wall. This narrowed the search down a little bit, but we still don't have and hard evidence.

The party was a lot of fun with a lot of good company and good food (thanks to chef Joe Jang). It was a potluck type setting, so everyone brought different sides and fruits. It's been ages since I've had hunch punch, so I decided to make that. Along with 50 beers and 3 handles of crown, the partying didn't stop.

Sunday and Monday was the recovering / relaxing days. Just hung out with the usual group and watched a couple movies. Watched eclipse, which had too much talking and too much "love". I swear I had dejavu 3 times during the movie. It kept going in circles. The fighting scenes were pretty cool, but that's as much as I'm gonna give it. Also saw Grown Ups. This movie I enjoyed. I like the day to day humor in it. It never got too dramatic, and the movie was kept short and sweet. I'd recommend this one.

I'm kinda disappointed in the fact that I didn't get to see any fireworks outside the one or 2 I saw while driving. We were supposed to go to stone mountain on the 5th because they did theirs from fri-mon. Time wasn't on out side that day so we settled with dinner and a movie. It just doesn't feel complete.

Well anyways, I hope everyone had a good weekend, it's time to get back to the short week. Gotta make up for the day off.

The weekend scoop

I'm gonna have to take a break soon.. These weekends seem to get crazier and crazier.

Friday night, Paulio and I went to tongue and groove with some hyungs. We got a VIP table w/ 3 bottles there for $375. This is where "it's too good to be true" comes into play. We had a corner table in what appeared to be a techno/raving room. Within minutes my head was about to explode from the obnoxious bass hitting every 1/87th of a second. This night was not that fun..

Saturday I slept till 3pm. I couldn't believe it.. I woke up and watched like 6 episodes of pawn stars. THIS SHOW IS THE GREATEST! If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. But what I couldn't believe more was the fact that I passed out again and woke up at 8pm. When I looked at the clock it boggled my mind. It took a good 5 minutes for me to realize it REALLY is 8 in the evening. I rushed and hopped in the shower cause there was not much day left to lose. Thru some clothes on and went over to stevie B's. There is this rave about the potato scallop pizza being amazing. I duly noted the disappointment. OH YEAH.. I didn't have my phone all day. This is probably the first time since I've had a phone that I was parted from it for a day. My phone rarely leaves my pocket or my hand.. I really did feel naked..

Well anyways, I got home and had my phone returned to me. Got ready, and went to primal. Toooo hot for comfort.. but there were so many familiar faces, it was like we rented out the club. As I was leaving the club, little did I know the night was just beginning.. Jason hyung was sleeping in a parking space, and Davey looked like he wanted to join him. After a half an hour, We finally got everyone together only to split ways. A few of us went to go eat at the only 24/7 korean restaurant. I think I'm the only one that finished my food. =) I didn't care, I was so hungry. Well, during the late night meal, someone suggested swimming.. It would take 4 drunk people to actually go through with it. So that's what we did.. went swimming at 5:30 in the morning. It was actually pretty fun, the only thing on my mind was the road trip I had to take down town. Utterly, the worst and the longest trip I ever had to take. After we went swimming I had to take this yuhj down town to her condo.. The ride back I had to put my sunglasses on, for obvious reasons. When I got home, I said what a night and collapsed onto my bed. I could almost swear that I passed out mid air before I even hit the bed.

Father's day has it's own story, and I need to work. So we'll do a to be continued..

code red.

okayy.. so I don't wanna write about this that much, but then again it's bothering me like crazy. I've been doing this thing called enjoying my single life. Going out clubbing, dating, not having a care in the world. I didn't have to report what I was doing to someone. I've been content.

So anyways, I saw this girl working at a coffee shop. So I asked her out on a date for Saturday night. She said she was working till closing, so I asked her to come to velvet with me after she got off. She agreed, so we went clubbin and all was well. She called on Sunday to hang out.. didn't think much of it and said okay. We went to the pool for a little bit then ordered a pizza and watched a movie in. The next morning I woke up with 3 text messages awaiting my morning yawn. It was from her saying, "Good morning baby cakes" with a list to-do list of things that I told her I needed to do. I thought, well that's nice of her to remind me of the errands I had to run. As the week progressed I noticed more and more text messages, back to back. She wouldn't give me 5 minutes to respond her before she would jump to the conclusion that I was avoiding her.

At this point I'm getting a little freaked out. I've never encountered anything like this before. She even said to me, "somebody call 911 cause you stole a piece of my heart" (this is after 1 full day of chillin).

I told her I'm not really looking for a serious relationship, and let's try to take things kinda slow. She makes me feel bad by saying stuff like, "You're the only person I've been like this to"..

I don't know what I'm supposed to say to her. any suggestions?!

time..

It never seizes to amaze me how people my age, younger or older are accomplishing so much. By looking at some of the talented people around me, it seems somewhat easy.. Efficiency, plus a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, and a couple pinches of hard work will bring you success. I also think you have to stumble into some luck in order to really be successful.

If it seems so easy, why the hell is it so hard?

I noticed that I honestly felt a bit envious of the people that were born into wealth. No need to pay for cars, phone bill, living expenses, or even a gallon of gas. Not to complain about my life TOO much, because I'm well aware of the fact that I'm lucky for what I have. I really do understand that, but I went to a young kid's home the other day and he drives a brand new M3 given to him right after he wrecked his suped up supra. Not to mention his house was sitting on 5 acres of land with a lake, and just shy of being a castle.

I guess I just need to be slapped back into place when my mind starts wondering like that.

It seems like my days are packed with things to do, and I never have time to really do the things I need to do. But then again, the things I "need" to do aren't on the top of my priority list right now. For example, I wake up around 6:30 to hit some weights before work on tues and thurs. On mon, weds, and fri I usually play basketball or touch up on some more weights in the afternoon. When I'm not at the gym, I'm trying to study for my license. In between times I try to relax over a cup of coffee while maintaining old friendships. By the time I get home I feel like I'm wobbling around the apartment trying to clean up and get ready for the next work day. As for the weekends.. it comes with a whole new story..

After putting it down it seems like I need better structure in my life.

Goals and success.. these are topics I've actually been doing some research on. It all boils down to something my pop told me when i was around 9-10 years old. The story begins when he was telling me to do the lawn, and I really didn't want to. Of course I pitched a little fit. He took me outside to talk to me. Of course I was scared and about to cry cause I thought he was gonna lay down an ass whoopin'. But he brought out the lawn mower and said to me. "Starting the job is 50% of the work. So as long as you start it, then you're half way done". Of course I went ahead and mowed the lawn. I never knew that he would be teaching me a lesson that I would remember till this day.

When you look at the words from the wise, they tell you to kick-off by planning and writing down your plan. Steering you to your next step, take action. And ultimately, perseverance is what keeps you on pace.. you gotta keep truckin' and staying motivated in order for your goals to become reality..

I just started babbling along.. so I'll go ahead and let this rant come to an end.. You are where you're supposed to be.

A lot of nothing

It's sad to see all the people growing up around me. Friends and relatives are all passing many chapters in their lives. It's just another way to show me that I'm aging too.. Internships, grad schools, careers, marriage. Moments like these remind me of the regret I have for not going to college and enjoying things that my friends were doing. Like meeting new people and being young and careless. I know I've had my share of being stupid, and trust me, I know I've had my share of recklessness too. But I didn't get to do it with the friends I grew up with. Or on a simpler scale, I wish I could've met up with people to study at the SLC, or grab a quick lunch with a friend in passing. I dunno.. I just wish I could've made better choices up to this point in my life. I really hope that my bad choices haven't become bad habits in my life.

Starting to explore socially unacceptable things at a young age knotted some of my habits. Although I feel like I've straightened a lot of them out, there are some things I still wanna change. Like going out to clubs and bars. I was on a good pace of fixing this as well, but as I was released from watch by higher authorities, it put my life back into frenzy on the weekends. I guess it still shows lack of character and will if I can't change something so simple.

Sometimes I think that starting to work and holding so many responsibilities at young age has forced me to mature in certain aspects in my life, like work ethics. Being in charge of a business's finance, talking to and pleasing dentists, and just watching and making sure production is moving along as it should. It's one of the things I'm actually proud of. But on another note, I still feel so immature in other areas of my life. IE: my sense of humor.. but a part of me doesn't wanna lose it, cause that means I really am getting older.. and who wants that?!

Well, as sad as it is to say, I'm still studying for my license. This is taking much longer than I anticipated. The break between my course exam and my state exam has been so long. Since i had to wait for approval by the commission, I slacked in studying. In return, I forgot a big chunk of stuff. I even purchased this license tutor online to help me study. It's a package of 10-15 practice exams. If I get more than an 80% on all of the practice exams, they guarantee a passing grade or my money back. I guess we'll put their confidence to the test!

Wish me luck, I plan on taking my test fairly soon! If I don't, the boss lady just might kick my ass..

Even small things can become life changing experiences..

So, i faced a dilemma this weekend, one that i'm ashamed of. My gramp's 82nd birthday was this weekend. Everyone that's still hanging around in ga on my dad's side of the family was there, even some that were visiting from cali. His birthday dinner was in rome, ga.. which is like a mini road trip away from my place. Not the ideal saturday i would plan for myself.. which is why i was ashamed.

Having people over mixed with some plans that were already in place, i decided not to go. To try to compensate for my lack of impersonal reason, i visited my gramps at his house the following day. To try to justify myself even more, I brought over a pretty plant that I bought. Only to find it was the worst of over 70 plants and cactus that they already owned.

In all n' all I think I lucked out. It was a much more personal experience that we got to have. My brother and I talked and hung out with the grandparents, just us. It had to be the only time I could remember that it was just us. Although there was a language barrier bigger than all the Americas.. I was able to pick things out and understand what they were trying to tell us.

They shared with us deep secrets within our family that were kept from us. I guess us being a bit older, it was acceptable for us to know.

Watching them age and become more fragile, it makes me think more and more about the history behind them. At the age of 82 and 80 they still have their inner strength and motivation as Christians.. Makes me wonder if i start now, will I be able to be half the people they are at that age.. or would i even make it that far.. To think I already know what family is, I always come to realize there's more I need to learn.

Anyways.. here's a couple pics from the visit.

me and the birthday boy

me and the cute couple

Work has it's complications..

First blog.. I'm not much of a blogger, and never really was interesting enough on paper to be able to entertain people with it. I guess now it takes on a different purpose.. An attempt to get whatever that's jumbled up in my head, out.

To start with the basics.. I had a stable career with everything looking bright ahead of me. Of course there was a couple tweaks here and there that had to be made to guarantee success, but nothing big enough that a year or two of structured hard work wouldn't be able to fix. Reason for quitting was to find a career that would match my character better.. Something I would enjoy doing. Working directly with people.. not couped up in a lab, making teeth.....

So I made a bold step, and quit to enter the real estate world. Everyone around me thought it was a good step for me. Everything was going to be better now..

4 months in, and on a day to day basis i have major doubts and I wonder if I made a mistake. I turned down a high paying management job to take over my own business.. That would also come with the price of moving down to FL where the new business was purchased. But most importantly I left my family business. The place of work where i learned most of my discipline and due diligence. This brings the question that I've been asking since before I changed work places..

Am i in the wrong for leaving my family behind, and overloading them with the work load that I should have been covering?

Or am I in the right for looking out for my own future and happiness?